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Why we love to ignore red flags


Red flags are different for everyone - for some of us it might be something mundane. For others it might be something way more serious. Red, green, beige.. The flags can be wildly different depending on the context of the relationship.

Yet, despite our better judgment, we can find ourselves inexplicably drawn to ignoring red flags.

I’m speed hurling towards multiple red flags right now. I can see the disappointment unfolding. Regularly being let down, not having the support I’m seeking in a relationship. Yet I’m still drawn to them, and at times choosing to ignore them. Why? Because you romanticise the idea of that person. How it started, what it could be.

If any of my friends or family came to me with this scenario I’d tell them to run. Get out while they can. Recognise your needs, put yourself first, and seek the life you’re dreaming of - quite frankly, you deserve it.

It takes a lot of self awareness to recognise when red flags are forming. It also takes guts to acknowledge it. If anything, it teaches you more about what you’re seeking, and what you value.

A few weeks ago a life coach said to me - you get frustrated by situations not because you’re angry at that person, but because their behaviour or actions don’t align with your values. And it couldn’t be more true.

Recognise what you value, what is important to you, and build from there.

Some red flags won’t be detrimental to a relationship. Some will be. But it’s important to be aware of whether this person can give you what you’re seeking, or will you constantly be let down. This is when you need to listen to them.

Some red flags that should never be ignored. Abusive and controlling behavior is a red flag in any relationship structure. Others, like miscommunication, unavailability, or jealousy, can be repaired. Recognising these flags is the first step in repairing a relationship before issues escalate.

In any scenario, you need to address red flags early on to avoid the situation worsening, or heartache later down the line. Red flags are a signal, they’re tiny warning signs that something is off. It’s time we start listening to them.

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